And it's Harder as Anything Else

Just sitting there, bored out of my skull. You came to play. I took one look and had to look away. I couldn't look at you. Your light blinded me. I was so mesmerized by that light, pure curiosity. You began to play that guitar. Your eyes closed and your head fell back. I saw something I'll never forget. Please don't play that song again. I'll cry. I'll cry so hard my eyes will hurt. Don't even start to strum that guitar in those chords. Because i know that song isn't for me, but when you play it..your voice, your face shows what that song means to you. I held back my tears just watching you sing. I didn't even know you and I saw this emerge. This is a man with soul and your soul speaks to me. Your heart is on your sleeve when you play that song. Don't play that song. I've not known you too long. Don't look at me with your blue eyes. That song, that damn song. You had me with that song. The moment I laid eyes on you. You had me when you sang that song. My heart stopped. My soul ached. I've known this ache before. It's harder as anything else. I watched, heart pounding, soul screaming. I put on my best poker face. I didn't want to look like a groupie. You looked at me with those baby blue eyes. My heart stopped again. I wanted to touch your face, kiss your lips, instantly. You made me laugh so much my cheeks hurt. So smart, so beautiful, soulful man. None the likes I've seen. I had to get closer to you, Just talk to you at first, and see if what i was hearing, could be. I couldn't help myself. You came to visit, you wanted to stay. Were you here for me? I don't know. Were you made for me? I don't know that either. It's harder as anything else. I just wanted to talk to you a little. I got my wish. We talked so long. You blew me away. I knew you would. I sat and listened to your voice and heard your words. I never wanted it to end. I wasn't looking for anything, I wasn't expecting this. Just talk to me baby. Long into the night. Till the morning came. You did more then that. Feelings stirred that have been dormant for years. Never laughed so hard in my life.
I could do this for the rest of my life. And not even feel the years go by.
Yes, baby......I could do this for the next 30 years with you.
Your hand on my skin was so warm. Your hand caressing my skin awakened every nerve. My heart would stop with just your touch. I'd hold my breath. I could rest my head on your chest forever. I wanted to heal your wounds and protect you. That face, those eyes, all that blond hair. Just sing to me baby. I could run my hands over your body forever. I could run my fingers through all that hair, soft blond hair. I could kiss those lips forever. I can feel you from far away. I'd rather feel you close by. I have to wait. I have to see. Were you really here for me? Not intentionally. But accidentally. So very briefly. You touched me baby. I left your arm there. I felt I was protected, instantly at ease. I still don't know why we slept that way. I so wanted to curl up next to you. But that song, that damn song. Touched me so far down, though I've not known you long, I'm not sure how you did it. I don't fall that fast, I'm guarded and cautious. You went right though me. Past all my defenses. I'm blown away. Floored. It's harder as anything else. Showed me a glimpse. Timing's off, things need to be done first. Things need to be in order. I knew this going into it. You have much to do. If this is a possibility, things need to be in order. Was that for me? I dunno. Don't do this on my account. Do what you need to do then see how your heart feels. Just talk to me baby. It's hard as anything else. Before you left, I held back my tears. You'd look at my eyes and I'd have to turn away. Showin' you that poker face and not the tears welling up behind my eyes. I'll wait but not forever. I can't. I'll never forget you and I'll always wonder what could have been. Come back to me baby and we'll pick up where we left off. Like a continuum. If it's meant to be, you'll return. Things seem emptier now. Take care of yourself baby. Someone missed you before you even left the driveway. Someone was crying before you ever left. Hard to hide my tears and the sadness at the chance I'll never lay eyes on you again. I may never get another chance. That's the hardest part. But I understand. It has to be. It's harder as anything else to let you go and keep my poker face.....and if you never return, I'll miss you always. Until our paths cross again love. I'll miss you terribly. I'll miss your kiss, I'll miss your touch, I'll miss your caress, I'll miss your beautiful blue eyes and your laugh. I miss you already. Seems like you took part of me with you. And not just my suitcase. This is so much harder as anything else. I'll think about you and all the good times we had together. That last night, going through the crowd. I reached for your hand cuz I didn't want you to get lost without me. I liked holding your hand. It was all so quick. So very brief, such a short time together. I'll think about that last night. . You started to strum that chord on that guitar. My eyes instantly welled up. I had to fight them back. I don't know if you saw it, but you stopped playing that damn song. Thank you....really. I didn't want to cry. It was that song. You touched me so far down with that song that night. The world doesn't see that part of me. But you touched me like it was yours alone, effortlessly. Like you'd been there all along. How did you do that? I hope you think of me. I watched you play and I had to touch you, play with your ears, sit closer to you....and just listen to you sing. You were leaning in to me baby. You felt so good that last night. I was thrashed and I loved every minute of it. The timing was right for that. At last. We fit so well, felt so good, makes me ache now. What I would give to feel you now. I got real close and you got inside. With just one look, one song. Gawd that song. I loved that song. Just talk to me baby. Just sing to me baby. I'm not going anywhere.
Goodbye for now, love.

J. Grace



Modest Mouse "Baby Blue Sedan"