Discouraged

The first cut is the deepest. Or so they say. I have to admit, I'm very discouraged by the potential boyfriend pool around here. There's not much to pick from. Not that I'm a drop dead gorgeous and can pick and choose a potential mate; I'm cute, (or so I'm told); but man, there's nothing out here. Maybe it's me. Maybe that first cut was too deep. I know it sure hurt for a long, long time. I'm over that one. Hell it was almost 4 years ago. I learned a lot from that one, I'll tell ya. But ever since, I've met up with the weirdest bunch of guys that would make any girl turn tail and run. So I'd hang out with these guys for a little while to get to know the "real" person inside. Cuz it's all bullshit on the internet. Every guy is "easy going", "drama free", "compassionate" and "honest". Well shit, most of em' didn't give me a chance to get past their surface crap. A large number, when seen face to face, did not have a resemblence to the picture that's 5-10 years old, they had posted on the web of themselves. Maybe it's just as well. Then I get a glimpse into who they really are. Or maybe it's just my perception of who I think they are. Either way, it doesn't turn out so good.

I've been serial dating for a little over 2 years now. I've come across a number of different guys with different issues. One was a bull rider that lied, had other girls on the side and wanted me to wait on him hand and foot, some control thing, I guess. Another was an insecure bow hunter that thought he had a tiny penis. One was the squeakiest money spender I had ever seen. (Not that money matters to me.) Another was too clingy and needy. He had the greatest potential, he had everything I was looking for. Unfortunatly there were some ghosts in his closet, too big for me to exercise out. Then there was the old man, who posted 10 year old pictures on the web. That one didn't even get past drinks at the resturaunt. These were internet blind dates. I know what you're thinking....Why? Cuz there's no place to meet people here in the boonies. After all this, I swore off the internet for good. I'm deleting all my profiles out there, one by one.

So what's a single chick supposed to do? Go to the BAR! Oh hell! That's turning out to be just as bad as the internet thing. My first month out was a disaster. I'm friendly and I like to meet new people, regardless if they're mate potential or not. So I go to the bar. My first night out, not only do I strike up a conversation with a guy, who was with 2 other guys and a girl, but supposedly I'm the other woman now. I had never laid eyes on this guy until that night at the bar, next thing I know, pardon me for being friendly and talking to the guy, I'm "involved" with him now. Oh hell no! Then when I actually start to like someone else at the bar, I hear a nasty rumor that he's bisexual and a druggie. Then he starts spouting off about how all women are "evil". Well this is just great. I think I'm gonna quit looking now. I've had enough of this bullshit.

I'm a smart, sensitive, passionate woman who has her own life, her own money and likes her down time. I am issue free and intuitive, sometimes to a fault. I'm generous, helpful and loving. I have a job, I don't live with mom, and I own a nice ride. I'm not obese or toothless and I have all my hair. What the hell???? WHY CAN'T I find someone, anyone that's not nuts, freaky, weird or a controlling narcissistic asshole????? We all deserve to be loved. I gotta get this looser magnet off my forehead. In this world of sex now, relationship later; I'm gonna wait it out. Sorry guys, I'm not gonna be so easy to get to know. Due to technical difficulties, and circumstances beyond my control, I have to make sure you're worthy. Can you fill out this questionaire????
I figure if I make some male friends maybe one will reveal himself to be worthy of my love and devotion. One will stand up and take notice that I'm a helluve a catch and his life would only be improved with me as his girlfriend. I think I'm gonna have some serious gray hair before I find him. Until then, I'm gonna take care of things and make my goals a reality.

The first cut may be the deepest, and I may be jaded, but you can see what I'm dealing with here. If I'm truly jaded, do you think I'd hold faith that someday I'll find the "right" one for me? No I wouldn't. I'd loose all hope of ever finding that love. I'm a hopeless romantic and I know this can't be all there is. Is it? I hold out hope that there is someone for everyone. Someday he'll reveal himself to me.



Juliet Grace