Too Shy To Speak

So there I am, having sushi with a friend on Friday night....and in walks this tall, dark, gleaming smile, absolutely gorgeous guy. He had this glow about him....almost amber in color and a sparkle in his eyes. I tried so hard not to look at him. I was instantly sucked in, I couldn't help it. (secretly I wanted to take his picture and keep that moment for myself.) Out of respect for the person I was with, unlike most dildos here in Ukiah, I kept my eyes forward. (I have excellent preriferial vision. This comes in handy a whole lot. You'll see why in a minute. Must be the "mommy training".) He starts talking to the chef, ribbing him a little and the chef seems to know him. Must be a regular patron, I thought. He had called in an order to go. Looked like 3 orders of Cali rolls...mmm. He's in front of the register, paying for his order, chatting with the chef, and he looks over at me, like right into my eyes. He held that gaze with me for it seemed like a long time, then he starts diggin in his pockets for money, even says something to my friend, and looks up at me again, holding my gaze. (WHAT THE HELL???) They shared a little laugh and I flashed a smirk at him. Again, diverting my eyes so as not to look like a school girl gazing at the object of her crush! Gawd! I'm such a dork! He was still looking at me, like he was gonna say something to me, I could see it out of the corner of my right eye. Then he says, "10 more minutes? Okay, I'll wait." He walks behind me and my friend to sit at the sushi bar. He's leaning over so as not to hit the decorations draped down from the over hang in the ceiling. He says to the chef, "you don't decorate for tall people, here huh?" Ribbing the chef. Their laughing as he takes two steps and leans way too far over me, takes in a deep breath and sits down in the empty seat one over from me. He's still looking at me! (WHAT THE HELL???) Leaning over the bar so much as to be in my "personal space" as he's adjusting his coat. He coulda leaned the other way, there were two empty seats next to him. (This happens a lot to me, people like to get into my "personal space bubble"....I'm not sure why this has been happening. And it only started happening since I moved up here.) He finally looks at the chef and starts ribbing him some more. Their going back and forth, free lunch this, taco bell that. It was amusing and I was in awe at how friendly this guy was and quick too. The chef is all backed up on orders, so the chef's wife asked him if he'd like a soporo, beer. They carry on some more, chit-chatting. She was pouring the beer for him and again, he looked directly at me as if he was going to say something. Again, I diverted my gaze to my sushi being made. (Which was directly in front of him.) He kept staring at me. I'm really a shy person with an outgoing brain, I just can't make my lips move to speak. Like stage fright. I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth or sound like a retard. But I could feel his eyes on me, I could see his gaze through the corner of my left eye. I didn't say anything and neither did he. He took in a breath like he was going to say something to me. I kept staring straight ahead. He let it out in a quiet sigh. (This is how close to him I was.) Some more chatting ensued while he drank his beer. He kept putting it down and looking at me, then he'd look back at the chef. He did this for about 10 minutes. It was like he wanted to say something to me but didn't. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it was a little on the weird side. I had to stay cool, I didn't want to offend my friend. His order was ready, he finished off the rest of his beer, stood up and leaned over me again, walking toward the register. The chef's wife put his stuff in a bag and handed it to him. He gazed at me again, turning on his heals and was headed toward the door. I heard the door open and it took a long time to shut. It was a heavy door and closed easily. I got the feeling he paused at the door and looked back at me. I could feel his gaze at the back of my neck. Then he was gone.

WHAT THE HELL???? Why does this keep happening to me? Really? Anybody else have these "feelings"? Or should I be calling the psyche ward? Is it we as humans don't act on our gut instincts? Our feelings? I wonder if I'll see this guy again, somewhere. I would have liked to talk to him. I guess I have this radar that's constantly going. It picks up on certain people. Maybe it was that he was very personable, funny and outgoing, and really I'm drawn to those types of people. Usually the attraction isn't reciprocated. Sometimes certain people ricochet off me and I off them. I'm not sure why this is. Sometimes, there's nothing and I chalk it up to they have attractive features that I see, the photographer mind kicks in and that's the end of it. Then there are these other people. Sure, they're attractive. But usually at the beginning, my pessimistic mind takes over and I'm too fat, too ugly, not as popular as this person clearly is, so I don't put any more thought into them. It kinda ends there. Only this one, he was different. He reciprocated, almost like I could hear his thoughts in his head, but not really. Intuition? Maybe. I'd let it go by now but this encounter seems to keep creeping into my head over and over again. I had thoughts of going back to the sushi bar and giving the chef my card and asking him to give it to this beautiful stranger so I could take his picture. You know I won't. Hell I was too shy to even speak! There's no way I'd walk in there and do this. But you never know. If I get the chance again, I'll speak up. Hopefully. Gawd! I'm such a dork!!!!