Just go!

I don't know what the hell happened, I don't think I was around for it. Did I miss something here? I'm not a mushroom. Don't feed me bullshit and keep me in the dark. I can't keep up this ficad. And neither can you. I'm seriously about to give up. How did it come to this? So many things said, planned and done. Seems like a huge waste of my precious time. I don't have anything left in me to do this all over again. I don't think my heart can take it. I don't think I'll come away from this unjaded, hatefull and mean. I had such high hopes. But it seems I'm the one giving it all and getting very little in return. There's something seriously wrong and I can feel it in my throat. There's this lump there and it's sinking into the pit of my stomach. I'm anxious, and so very sad it's going to go down like this. Just like all the rest. It'll come to a head and I'll be there to see it all happen, and poof! It's all over from that point on. I hate LIARS and MANIPULATORS. How do they always find me? What is it that attracts them to me? Is it because I have my shit together? Is it because I have integrity and honor? I don't lie or manipulate the situation. Am I gonna come away from this cold, hurt again? AGAIN? Where is my blue waters? I'm trying. I tried so hard this time. Maybe that is the problem. I try to hard to be loved. I try to make everyone happy. And who ends up broken hearted and lonely? Me. I'm done trying. I need some proof that you are who you say you are. I need proof you love me whole hartedly. If you don't, just go.

Let me go! Don't keep me on a string. Don't keep giving me excuses and lies. You don't talk to me anyway. You don't really want to be with me. You'd rather be free, then go. By all means go! But don't ever come back. I won't take you back, I won't talk to you. Just go. Be the guy you wanna be that you can't be with me.

I need something more. I need to know I'm loved. I need to know you care. Don't tell me you care. Your actions tell me you really don't. I need to be taken care of, love and occasionally spoiled. I need to be who I am. Not at your becon call. I don't want to bring this down on you now, espically now, but I can't help the way I feel and I feel like you're already gone. So just go.

I'll survive you. I'll come back stronger and better. And I will be untouchable to you. Have a nice life and don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Later.

JG