Old Flame, New Love

Okay I'm truly scared now. I'm at the bar with my best girlfriend and she gets this text from one of her good friends. She's known this guy for years. Both of us have. I went to the guy's 18th birthday long ago and far away. Anyway, she's chatting away and all of a sudden I get this text. It's this guy she was chatting with. We're deep in flirting with one another and the night ended uneventfully. Thus began a torrid cell phone love affair. Every night for a couple of months we talked on the phone. He didn't live in California. I kept thinking this isn't going to get anywhere. Little did I know......

Well here it is 3 months later and I'm picking him up at the airport. As soon as I drive up to greet him, all the sexual tension, attraction came right back. We were just kids back then. I was already involved with the kid's dad but we kissed that night at his party. I remembered how attracted I was to him back then. Blonde, blue eyed, tall. Really cute. And so fast! He lived a fast life. It scared me back then, it scares me now.

Now he's a little older, a little disheveled and wearing his life scars all over him. He's a tad bit mellower, but still too fast. He looked like he had been to hell and back. He came to visit for a week, so we could rehash old feelings and see if anything would develop. OH and it did. We're both single now. Lonely. That first night was odd. I've been alone for such a long time, I didn't know how to deal with having a man so attracted to me and in my face. He barely brought anything with him. Just a few items of clothes and he kinda blew off the rest of his belongings for where he came. I'm freaked out about this part. He has a house and a boat and cars out there, why would he blow those off. He doesn't call his family or his friends. I haven't told my best friend yet. (Though I will within a few minutes of posting this.) Within two days he professed his love and devotion. Now I'm really scared. He wants to take care of me and my kids. Wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. There's one problem. He reminds me so much of my x, the one that devastated my life and had such an impact, I didn't think I could love again. He looks like him, some of his issues are exactly like this x and he even acts like him at times. I'm scared.

Now he's living here with my kids and I. He went out and got a job within 4 days of coming out here. A major feat in this town. He's made friends and he likes his new job. He dropped everything and moved here. This freaks me out. I love the guy, but I don't know if I'm "in love" with him. I don't know what the hell to do. With his dropping everything and professing his undying love for me within a few days, it makes me wonder if he had anything to begin with. Did he really have a life to leave? Can he go back? I don't know. I'm just going with the flow right now. I feel crowded and pushed. I feel like I didn't have a choice in this love affair. Is this a control thing? I've always had feelings for the guy, I've always loved the guy, but am I ready for the rest of my life? Maybe I am jaded. Maybe that first cut was too deep. Maybe I'm not ready for this relationship, so quick, so soon. Everything is moving too fast. Now I have an issue to deal with. He's impulsive. He's in my face. He's needy. He won't let me sleep most nights. He tosses and turns, cant' sleep next to the wall cuz he feels confined. My kids are leaving for the east coast soon. I hope things get better then. I guess I'll find out real soon if he's marriage material. For now, I'm holding steady and waiting. I miss my single life. Who would have guessed? Life certainly has it's little tests and trials all mapped out for us. I don't think I'm gonna pass this one. I think I flunked already. Oh how I long for my dark haired, blue eyed bar buddy.And no, I never saw that guy again.

Juliet Grace

A man's worth

What is a man's worth without the glimpse of a God. And what is a woman's worth without the glimpse of a Goddess.

I loved him because I saw his glmipse of a God. Forever I will remember what I had saw. That glimpse of his God. He was beautiful, powerful, like I harnessed pure energy. For a moment in time. He was mine. And I saw the glimpse of the God he should have been.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Happy St. Paddy's day! Though I don't have a lick of Irish in me, I do think Ireland is one of the most beautiful places on earth. So to all who are Irish! Happy Paddy's day and keep drinking that green beer.
I know I will.....bottom's up baby!

And I thought I was DUN!

And I thought I was done! Pishaw! So my brother calls me up and wants to go shoot some pool, wanted to know if I'd want to go. Sure! I says. We go down to the local bar and grab up a table. I had reservations about going, being it only Monday and all. But ya know, I said to myself. "I'll just go for a couple of hours". Anyway, so were shootin' pool and his friend shows up and plays with us. Cool! Leaves me free to go flirt with the bartender. Woohoo!


Now keep in mind, I haven't done this sort of thing, the bar scene, in like 15 years. So I'm a tad nervous in a bar. Don't know what to expect and all. I'm over at the bar, flirting my ass off and waiting for my drink to be poured. All of a sudden this "missing link" looking fellow sits down next to me, almost on top of me. He's all hunched over and looking at my face with these wild, strange eyes. Drunk eyes. I quickly avert my astonishment to straight in front of me, which happens to be the bartender, who gives me this look of concern. I'm thinking, "oh SHIT!" I glance out of the side of my eyes to see "LINK" still staring at me! OH HORROR! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FREAKS??? Anyway, thank GAWD my brother came up behind me and bailed me outta there. "Let's shoot some pool, fucker."....oh hell yes! FREE! The whole rest of the time he was in there, this LINK fellow, he followed me around the bar. He lurked into the smoking area after I went inside. He brushed up against me as he came in the door. I put out my smoke and left immediately. He lurched past our pool table while I was up to shoot. OH just freaky. I asked my brother and his friend, "you guys will protect me right?"....I hear a resounding "oh hell no! I'm scared!" I said, "will you at least run with me?" "oh yah!" Great, just great! Finally Link left the bar. Whew!

But the night was still young. In walks a trio of hot, tall, blonde guys. I had noticed them all congregating together, then sometime when I wasn't looking, they disappeared. Oh well, I thought. I go off to have another smoke. I swing open the door, it's dark inside, a small bluish box like glow from the Mrs. Pac Man machine and the bar trivia game, I step inside. The door swings shut behind me, and the same three Adonis looking, model types are all standing, facing the door and staring at me. I had to stop and just picture them naked for a fleeting moment. I says, "hi". They all said, in unison, like conjoined triplets, "hi". Then they walk out! Well shit! This is the class, "bar 101". Good Lord! It was nice while it lasted.

Okay so I'm dun, right? Time to go home? But no, wait. Here comes these other three guys, just regular, decent looking Joes steppin' up to the bar and pullin' up a stool. I'm back shooting pool with the boys, in dire need of more Yagermiester and my brother in need of a beer, I trot off to the bar stools so I can once again take the opportunity to flirt with the bartender. I'm waiting to get my flirtatious bartender's attention, there's a lot of people in here on a Monday night. Don't these people have jobs? Hahaha. I plop down on a bar stool next to these three chatting guys, who sat at the end of the bar. I turn and look one of the guys in the face and strike up a conversation. I'm chatting with all three of them in a matter of minutes and having a good time, I forgot all about my brother's beer. He comes over and says, "your up"....."I don't wanna play"....."play for me".....he goes off to shoot more pool and left me to my conversation with these three guys. They introduce themselves. The one I sat next to had such a great face, I felt compelled to stay there and talk to him. So I did. The conversation flowed so easy and we were two inches from each other's noses. I'm chattin' away, he's responding, smiling, what a smile! And he had the deepest blue eyes I think I have ever seen. He was smart, cute, funny....oh lordy! My heart skipped a beat a few times. What's this? I thought, No! Can this be? I thought I was DUN!!!!

So as the night went on, we talked about our brackgrounds, where we grew up, all sorts of stuff. I haven't felt this comfortable in years. I kept leaning into him, so I could hear his voice. It was like velvet. He told me stories of the bartender and his black leather trench coat days. We laughed easily, smiled a whole lot. I couldn't get over those blue eyes of his. My heart racing the whole time. It was a strange feeling to me. Almost foreign. But yet, so enveloping and soothing. Bizzare. He started playing Liar's dice with my brother, trying to teach me how to play. I'm not a good liar, I don't have a poker face. So I would lean over and look at each one's dice after they rolled them. I'd lean real close to my new friend and I could tell he was smelling my perfume. I could hear him take in a breath every time I leaned over to see his dice. I had an uncontrollable urge to kiss those lips. I was drawn to his lips! I wanted to kiss him! What the hell is this about. I fought my urge with everything I had and continued to put on my best poker face and play dice. We laughed so much. I kept giving away their lies! I couldn't help it. I don't have a good poker face. But my face was flushed and I was having a good time. Unfortunately, time was up and he had to take his friend home. They abruptly got up, said good night and left. AUGH!!!! I had so much fun, I forgot to get his phone number! Can you believe it!!!!???? I'm such an idiot!!!! OH please let me run into him again....I promise, I'll go slow, just give me another shot at hanging out with him. I just want to talk to him some more. I'd like to get to know him and not the way you may be thinking, but truly know him before anything else. I can't get those blue eyes and that killer grin out of my head. I've been thinking about him ever since.

I think Cupid was whispering in our ears that night. Cuz we both looked like the
Cheshire cat, big stupid grin, chatting our asses off. I like him and I think he liked me.
We'll see.....maybe I'm not just DUN yet.

Love and peace my friends, keep your fingers crossed for me.

Juliet Grace

Discouraged

The first cut is the deepest. Or so they say. I have to admit, I'm very discouraged by the potential boyfriend pool around here. There's not much to pick from. Not that I'm a drop dead gorgeous and can pick and choose a potential mate; I'm cute, (or so I'm told); but man, there's nothing out here. Maybe it's me. Maybe that first cut was too deep. I know it sure hurt for a long, long time. I'm over that one. Hell it was almost 4 years ago. I learned a lot from that one, I'll tell ya. But ever since, I've met up with the weirdest bunch of guys that would make any girl turn tail and run. So I'd hang out with these guys for a little while to get to know the "real" person inside. Cuz it's all bullshit on the internet. Every guy is "easy going", "drama free", "compassionate" and "honest". Well shit, most of em' didn't give me a chance to get past their surface crap. A large number, when seen face to face, did not have a resemblence to the picture that's 5-10 years old, they had posted on the web of themselves. Maybe it's just as well. Then I get a glimpse into who they really are. Or maybe it's just my perception of who I think they are. Either way, it doesn't turn out so good.

I've been serial dating for a little over 2 years now. I've come across a number of different guys with different issues. One was a bull rider that lied, had other girls on the side and wanted me to wait on him hand and foot, some control thing, I guess. Another was an insecure bow hunter that thought he had a tiny penis. One was the squeakiest money spender I had ever seen. (Not that money matters to me.) Another was too clingy and needy. He had the greatest potential, he had everything I was looking for. Unfortunatly there were some ghosts in his closet, too big for me to exercise out. Then there was the old man, who posted 10 year old pictures on the web. That one didn't even get past drinks at the resturaunt. These were internet blind dates. I know what you're thinking....Why? Cuz there's no place to meet people here in the boonies. After all this, I swore off the internet for good. I'm deleting all my profiles out there, one by one.

So what's a single chick supposed to do? Go to the BAR! Oh hell! That's turning out to be just as bad as the internet thing. My first month out was a disaster. I'm friendly and I like to meet new people, regardless if they're mate potential or not. So I go to the bar. My first night out, not only do I strike up a conversation with a guy, who was with 2 other guys and a girl, but supposedly I'm the other woman now. I had never laid eyes on this guy until that night at the bar, next thing I know, pardon me for being friendly and talking to the guy, I'm "involved" with him now. Oh hell no! Then when I actually start to like someone else at the bar, I hear a nasty rumor that he's bisexual and a druggie. Then he starts spouting off about how all women are "evil". Well this is just great. I think I'm gonna quit looking now. I've had enough of this bullshit.

I'm a smart, sensitive, passionate woman who has her own life, her own money and likes her down time. I am issue free and intuitive, sometimes to a fault. I'm generous, helpful and loving. I have a job, I don't live with mom, and I own a nice ride. I'm not obese or toothless and I have all my hair. What the hell???? WHY CAN'T I find someone, anyone that's not nuts, freaky, weird or a controlling narcissistic asshole????? We all deserve to be loved. I gotta get this looser magnet off my forehead. In this world of sex now, relationship later; I'm gonna wait it out. Sorry guys, I'm not gonna be so easy to get to know. Due to technical difficulties, and circumstances beyond my control, I have to make sure you're worthy. Can you fill out this questionaire????
I figure if I make some male friends maybe one will reveal himself to be worthy of my love and devotion. One will stand up and take notice that I'm a helluve a catch and his life would only be improved with me as his girlfriend. I think I'm gonna have some serious gray hair before I find him. Until then, I'm gonna take care of things and make my goals a reality.

The first cut may be the deepest, and I may be jaded, but you can see what I'm dealing with here. If I'm truly jaded, do you think I'd hold faith that someday I'll find the "right" one for me? No I wouldn't. I'd loose all hope of ever finding that love. I'm a hopeless romantic and I know this can't be all there is. Is it? I hold out hope that there is someone for everyone. Someday he'll reveal himself to me.



Juliet Grace

William Henry Lubker; My Grandfather

Today is the day of the funeral for my Grandfather. This is the fifth relative I've burried in 3 years. I hope this is the last one for a very, very long time. If any of the remaining people in my family go, it will be devistaing. Not that the last five were not, but the survivors that are left in this family all mean so much to me and my kids.

My Grandfather was an incredible man. This is the man that taught me how to fish. A huge passion for him. He was a volunteer firefighter, a sucessful realtor for many years in my home town, a loving father, a great Grandpa and even more of a great great Grandpa. A lot of people have my Grandpa to thank for getting them their first house or some financial help. He was a leader in his community and helped so many people. He was my Grandmother's love of her life and she was his. They were soul mates. Finally after 18 years, they're together again. My Grandmother died in 1988. He died with diginity and love all around him. This is the way he wanted to go.

My mother called me and told me it was looking bad. So reluctantly, I packed my truck and the kids and headed down south. I was reluctant because I didn't know how bad he was and I almost didn't want to remember him like this, in his last few hours of life. But it was important to me that I see him before he made his final journey. To tell him I loved him. We did the Santa Rosa crawl, the Emeryville crawl and even crawled pasted the Oakland colseum. Something was keeping me from seeing my Grandpa and I had a severe case of road rage. (All these damn CARS! This is why I live up north. ) We finally made it, straight shot right to Grandpa's house. He's lived in the same house since I was like 7 or so. We've had so many family parties, gatherings and barbques there. And in the last few years, a few wakes. Anyway, I walked in the door and my mother, aunt and her crew were all there, hovering around my Grandpa. He was incohereant and listless. I found out he was in pain early on in the morning, so the docs gave him morphine to ease his suffering. He was barely concious.

I leaned down and kissed his sweat beaten forehead. He had a strange sound to him. They all piped up and told me it was the "death rattle".....great name for that...thanks whoever thought that one up. Then my aunt starts yelling at him...."dad, Juliet is here".....he wanted to sit up. The whole time I'm crouching next to the couch. He manages to get sat up straight and I got this voice in my head, this is it, Juliet, you better tell him what you came to say. I took his hand in mine and I got in his field of vision, about 2 inches from his nose and I whispered, "Grandpa, Grandpa, we're here, we love you, you can go home now, Grandma is waiting fo r you." He opened his eyes and he focused on me and he smiled. That was the last smile anyone got and it was for me. I know he knew I was there, I know he could hear me, I know he recognized me. I could smell my Grandma, I could feel her and I swear I felt her touch my shoulder as this exchange took place. The rest of the night he laid peacefully, breathing that funny breath and not really moving. We kept him warm, talked about old times and the fun he had in life. We talked about his accomplishments and his passions. We relived last years Thankgiving over and over again. We had taken him up to the mountains, somewhere he truly loved, and had a huge feast in the Sierras. It was his last trip. He slowly slipped away until the next morning when he took his last breath and was gone.

There was a part of me that wanted to celebrate. He gets to see my Grandma after all these years. I wished it was me. I miss her so much. But I know it's not my time yet. I know he saw her way before he actually left us. She occupied a chair the whole time I was there. I could feel her and I could smell her. She was taking him home. I was so glad for that. So glad that he is finally with her. I know he missed her so very much. It had been 18 years since she died, she was still young and it hit our family hard, we weren't the same after that. He never remarried, though he had a companion who loved him dearly and I was glad that he didn't spend the rest of his years alone. He was very easy to love. I was also glad that Grandpa didn't suffer and that he was in no pain. The kind of cancer he had could have left him in severe pain, but something stopped that and I think it had a lot to do with my Grandma. I was so thankful he went without pain and died with his family around him, at home. I look forward to the day when I can see them both again.

I do not fear death. I am not afraid to die. I don't want to feel pain when I go, I'd like to go peacefully and quietly. But I don't fear death. I believe that you see all your friends and relatives that have passed before you, they help you along. I believe that your spirit goes to a beautiful place, you become pain free, you don't have fear, you don't have guilt or stress, you become what you perceive in your life to be at your peak. Some say you become 30 years old again. I don't know about that. I do know that it's a better place then earth. And I look forward to seeing my Grandma, my Grandpa, my step dad; Randy, my uncle Gene and uncle Marshall and my aunt Mern, all of whom I miss so very much. Our lives haven't been the same since they left us here on earth. I miss all of you and please take care of my Grandpa, he's new.

Love and peace,

Juliet Grace

5 Weirdest things about me.....Thanks Tigress

Okay here goes.....

1. I don't like toenails. If you've got icky, brown, cracked toenails, don't show me your feet. I once saw this porno of some chick sucking on a black guys' toes and she actually picked off some dead skin and continued sucking....OH JUST FLIPPIN' YUCKY! I could have thrown up. And he had all these corns and callouses on the toes she was sucking. NOT SEXY BABE.

2. I don't like the sound of people running back and forth in the apartment above me. It drives me insane. I have these assholes that live above me in this crappy little apartment I was forced to move to, long story. And these people never stop stomping or yelling or falling down, it never stops. I've complained and glared at them. I've even taken my mop handle and pounded on the ceiling to no avail. They even had the audacity to throw their McDonalds debris down on my doorstep, vacuum at 11:30 on a week night and play the crappiest, home burned cd of straight up CRAP as loud as that little piece of shit radio can play. Oh Lordy! They hang out all night, yelling, cussing and being loud till late into the night. Please people! I need to sleep. Obviously these people don't have jobs! People, be kind to your neighbors.....

3. Kids, I like kids, really; But I'm talking bout "little" kids SCREAMING and RUNNING around. People, just because you're in a mall or a restaurant doesn't mean you can let the little glazed doughnut monsters run free. Restrain your children. I have kids and I had enough respect for the general public not to unleash my children on the unsuspecting patrons already at these establishments. And that brings me to small children in an "R" rated movie. Come on! There's gore and slashing on the screen and some kid in the back row starts screaming and crying. Oh that pretty much spoiled the moment for me. Don't take little kids to grown up movies. GAWD! And turn off the damn cell phones, GEEZ! Little kids swearing; it's not cute to teach 3 year old Johnny to say "fuck you". Sorry.

4. I hate unruly, random hairs anywhere. I pluck those suckers right out. And Tigress, I agree, I'm a picker too. Anything on me or my kids, it's gotta be gone. I hate running my hand over someone's' shoulder and feel some icky, little, hard thing, be it a zit or a scab...it's gone. I don't like dirt and stuff under my fingernails either. Long fingernails put on by the salon, a complete waste of money and besides, why do women grow them so long, their hands become useless. Screw that!

5. Oh and i like mint jelly on my lamb chops and applesauce on my pork chops. MMMM...and I eat the center of all oreo's before the cookie. I stir my tea with a butter knife and I prefer soft, real butter to hard, yucky margarine.

Ya BABY! That's what makes us all unique!

Ahhh...youth

So....Remember when you were young and you had this uncontrollable urge to do what you knew wasn't a good choice at the time??? But you did it anyway???? Tell me if I'm a bad mom....

My son is almost 17 years old. He's had the same girlfriend for a long time, about a year or so. He's never skipped a day of school in his life. With the exceptions of faking the "24 hour" flu. Or maybe he had the "I don't wanna go" itis. Who knows, but he's never skipped without my knowledge. Well last Monday he skipped the WHOLE day. He left like any other day, before I got my lazy ass in the shower, like usual. I went to work and worked my ass off, like any other day. Lunchtime I was thinking about going home to get a sandwich and say hi to my cats. I get home and the phone keeps ringing. My son's friends, I thought. Oh no....much much more.

My son comes in and sits down on my futon and says....."mom, I did something bad". Oh....He's tellin' me...uhoh, I'm thinking. This isn't going to be pretty. He says, "I skipped school the whole day, hung out here (the house) with my girlfriend and we had sex". "Her parents found out and they want to talk to you. They keep calling the house". GREAT! JUST GREAT! I was proud of myself. I didn't freak out, I didn't yell. I was proud of him for telling me before the proverbial shit hit the fan. I asked him, "how do they know you guys had sex?" He gets this look of confusion on his face and says "I don't know"......

Yeah! Just release the hounds now, the lynch mob is on it's way!!!!!

Then he goes on to tell me that the gf's mom is threatening to accuse my son of statutory rape and she was going to "HUNT" me down. I told him to calm down and not to worry. I could be wrong but I thought one of them had to be an adult, over 18, weather it was consentual or not, and the other a minor. Their both under 18 and only 6 months apart in age. Then I thought "did these people think their daughter was going to stay a virgin forever?" My son says she wasn't anyway. But in my mind, I thought, "better to be here having sex then out stealing cars or doing drugs"....Hell, he wore a rubber! I was more pissed off that he skipped school.

Now just a little background on their relationship. She has parents that are in the midst of divorce and the mother drinks a lot. My son has been her shoulder to cry on since they started dating. I've heard this poor girl crying on the phone to my son because her mother is drunk and having some sort of temper tantrum. I don't know their total situation, nor do I want to, but I didn't think that threat was cool at all. They didn't do anything terribly wrong. Skipping school to do the deed was wrong. The actual act itself, I'm sure was done with love and respect for both involved. And besides, it's not like we can stop a teenager from having sex. I mean, hello??? They're gonna do it eventually, right? How did you get started? Think about that.....

While my son was agonizing over every word he was telling me, all I could think about was when I was a junior in high school.....writing my own notes to get out of school to go see my son's father. What did we do all day? You can relate......SEX! OH MY GAWD!!! NOT THAT!!!! I said that BAD word....oh stop the world!!! WE HAD SEX.

So why on earth are her parents isolating her, making her cry and making my son depressed? For having sex??? Obviously they love each other. He's no longer allowed to see her, not my doing. He sees her everyday at school anyway. How sad is that? He's all bummed out and misses her. He sees her crying most of the time at school. They write notes back and forth. She was a nice girl, but her parents suck. So I think all this residual stuff is punishment enough.

My son has to serve Saturday school too....ahhh memories.

So does this make me a bad parent? I don't care really at all what you think, but I thought I'd put it out there.......and if you ask my kids....

I'm the coolest mom on earth.

JulietGrace

PS...He did get a severe punishment for skipping school.....And I told him he had to do the deed in the bushes and in cars like everybody else did. I"m not punishing him for expressing his love to his girlfriend. And that is what we need in this world.....More loving and caring individuals. I'm not gonna raise another narcisistic asshole. We have plenty of those.

Newbie

I recently landed a great job at a local clinic. Best money I've made since I've arrived here in town. But it's not the money that will keep me at a job. I gotta like the job itself. And luckily I like it at the clinic. Though some things have made me sit up and take notice. Some things that start me thinking about this small town and the townites that dwell here.

The clinic is for low income and uninsured. Everyone smiles there, every one says hi, when walking down the halls. Even the poor people that have come for care of various problems, smile at me. We even have a methodone clinic. So you could imagine the people I see everyday. This job gives me a sense of accomplishment. I do all the prescriptions that come into our office. It's my job to make sure the rx gets to the doctor and the rx gets back to the pharmacy within 72 hours. I'm the essential link to the patients and their meds. I've learned a lot about different drugs and what kind of diagnosis negates these drugs. There are a lot of people on anti-depressants in this small town. A lot of young girls with clymidia and various STDs....(very alarming) roaming the streets of this small town. Scares me to think these girls have no self respect and no support systems, just out having unprotected sex with just about anyone who'll lay down with them. I feel sad for these girls. But I guess that's the nature of the beast, when you're bored and there's nothing else to do in a small town and with an overactive libido, God knows who these girls are sleeping with. I've learned a lot about the mentality of this town so far and it's fascinating. Maybe I should go into psychiatry.....hummmmm......anyway....

I've also learned some of my coworkers personalities and quirks.

Just this week, my boss, a great lady, quite young, had a "head honcho" meeting and the RX came up. Some of the doctors' said they want those rx to them in 12 hours! My boss said, "it's just not possible", coming to the aid of her newbie rx employee. And yes, I'm the only one who does it. Funny how they pick the "hippie chick" to do the prescriptions....LOL. Tickles me to no end. Anyway, I get about 60-75 prescriptions a day. Friday's and Monday's are the worst. Sometimes I see 100-125 prescriptions in any given Friday or Monday. All the pharmacists are clamoring to get these rx done before the weekend and whoever doesn't get their stuff on Friday, their clamoring to get it come Monday morning. So I dread Fridays and Mondays. It's nice to know my boss is sticking up for me.

I recently had an rx come through for a man of Mexican decent for viagra, twice now. I just happened to fly by the nurses station when I hear my buddy, we'll call her Big Mama, says, "this poor guy. He keeps asking for this viagra and he keeps getting denied." I glance down at the rx and the name. It's the same guy. I felt bad for him because we keep ruining his weekends with these denials. I could just imagine, he's gonna get all depressed cuz he can't have his viagra, so he'll go see one of our psychologists on staff, we'll call him Dr. Mellow, and be prescribed Paxil or something else for depression. And you know those pills have a lot of sexual side effects, so he'll get even more bummed out and not be able to perform. Or maybe they'll put him on anti-anxiety pills, that have gnarly sexual side effects, and he'll feel good, go out, try to find a willing partner, and when the piping fails, think he's gonna be happy about it? No...not me....it's a vicious cycle. Poor guy.

Being an almost totally new department and staff, we make mistakes. When I first started doing the RX, I had a back up of about 200 prescriptions that were at various stages of the 72 hour period. I had a lot to catch up on when this part of my job was handed to me. (A whole 4 days into my job might I add!) So I passed out a few Rx's with just a matter of hours left on them to get back to the pharmacy. Needless to say, some of the doctors' were pissed. One in particular, we'll call her Ms. Princess. Ms. Princess is not a doctor, but a RN. She has this way about her. She doesn't exactly yell at you when she's pissed off. She talks down to you in a mono tone voice and she never stops talking. She talks over you, interrupts you, makes you frustrated and you feel as though she's not listening. Which she's not. So whenever her assigned doctor, which happens to be Dr. Mellow, isn't at the clinic, all of his patient's prescriptions have to go to her. For some unknown reason, she seems to think that I only get her patient's rx's....not everyone else's in the clinic! She pulled a hissy fit at the department's window one day to one of my co-workers. Ms. Princess made my coworker cry! I couldn't believe it. So now because of that incident, I have to take her rx's directly to her, before the ink dries on the fax! Oh yeah, I got time for that shit. I have to coddle Ms. Princess and treat her differently then everyone else, because she threw that hissy fit. And the kicker? Her doctor, Dr. Mellow, knows that I have a ton of rx to get out and has no problem if his get out with the rest of them. But when he's not there, oh lordy! It's all about her.

Now being a newbie, I listen to conversations that are going on around me as I search for charts within the clinic. I do this because our department gets a lot of the brunt of understructures failures. I like to hear the "buzz" about our department so I can go back and tell my coworkers what the latest bitch is about within the clinic, so we can all be prepared and get our shit together. I've gathered that a lot of times, patients are seen without charts. Actually I think we had 4 in the last week. So not really that bad. But if you listen to the nurses and the doctors, it's ALL the time. Just a tad exaggeration. For example: I'm walking down the hall, collecting charts, and I overhear a nurse, we'll call her PITA. (short for Pain in the Ass) "One of those people in the Medical Records department isn't doing their fucking job! Their supposed to pull the charts when I request them!" Complaining to a doctor, no less. I understand she's probably getting heat from the powers that be, but we always pull a chart from where ever it might be for an appointment. I get back to the department and everyone is frantically looking for this chart. The one PITA had requested. Seven people looking for one chart all over the clinic. Time is ticking by, the tension is building, the patient is in the room with the doctor, frustration starts to fall over my coworker's faces. This notion hits my head, go look up front in reception. I go trotting off to the front desk. There laying BETWEEN two receptionists, on the very top of their desk, the illusive PITA chart lays there. I snatch it up and trot it back to the department. With the relief of all my coworkers and a few loud speaker pages to the ones out and frantically searching, all is well once again in medical records. But this is a daily occurrence, sometimes several times a day. Only to find the illusive charts floating somewhere between reception and the nursing staff. If only someone, anyone working that department would just open their eyes before they call Medical Records and send 7 people into a frenzy. But then we'd live in a perfect world wouldn't we?

As my Aunt used to say, "Open your eyes instead of your mouth." Words to live by, I'd say.

Now comes "Browneyes". This woman is a piece of work. I guess there's one in every company. I heard her whining on the phone to someone about how she's bogged down with charts and she doesn't know what to do. She once said to me, when I first started working there, "you look familiar"....no, not me. I guess I just have that type of face. Cuz she wasn't familiar to me in anyway. Well I guess she got wind of Ms. Princess's rx treatment and came to the window to whine at someone. She wanted to be treated like Ms. Princess. She started complaining about how her department never gets their charts when they need them, (keep in mind she's not writing prescriptions.) and she's upset. Her department seems to want the charts that are out for appointments the day of or the day before. So in short, most of the charts she wants are still in the hands of the doctors. She even added on another department isn't getting the charts they need and that we should "just take the charts" out of the hands of the doctors, giving them to her and the other department for just "10 minutes". I guess "10 minutes" is short for a few hours.....cuz it's never only 10 minutes. Priorities babe, priorities and you're not a priority. Sorry. Doctor's, nurses, and appointments take president over you and your department. I don't make the rules, I just play by them. I just thought, "wow, how very pompous of you". So this other department she added to her complaints was asked about getting the charts they needed. Turns out, that other department "Browneyes" was whining about, they didn't have a problem getting charts and realize that their charts will be seen after the doctors are finished with it. They had no complaints. Hummm....sounds like "Browneyes" was sticking her nose in where it didn't belong.

But you know what makes it all worth it? When Big Mama says to you, "you're doing a great job. I know nobody ever tells you that, but you are". I love Big Mama. And I like my boss and I get along with everyone in my department. I like it when our boss stands her ground and all of us as a department work together to get shit done. I've been waiting for a job like this for 3 flippin' years. Since I got to this little town. And they pay me really good. I think I'll be staying for a long long time. I'm breathing a big sigh of relief now, cuz it took alot for me to get here, to make sacrifices so I could stay in the area. It wasn't too long ago I was an unemployment check away from living in my mother's garage with two kids, back down south. I dealt with a gay Berkeley man with an underlying hatred toward women; a miserable woman who's only joy in life was to make other's miserable. Misery loves company, you know. And a delusional woman who was so out of whack, she thought swearing at her employees was okay. I've dealt with a famous company that treats their employees so bad that most injure themselves on the job cuz they can get more money from worker's comp. Another company that would only pay their "supervisors" eight dollars an hour, while they paid others' ten an hour under the table so that employee could still collect unemployment. This is a crazy town. And I'm learning it's not who you know but who you blow. Not me buddy. I'll quietly pursue my own interests over here in my corner of this small town. Plugging away on my bills, raisin' my kids and enjoying my life. I'm not worried about all these superficial people and their issues. I'm not a gossip hound and I prefer to be anonymous. I'll just sit back and watch for now. But one day, people will know my name. And I'll be the one getting blown! LOL. Have a great day ya'll.

Oh the irony

Well kids, I thought you'd all get a kick outta this. I know I did. Sometime around June I submitted some pictures for a local "arts and entertainment" mag for a photo contest. I took some nice shots of the a local car show two years previous. I had since forgotten about it and went about my merry way.

So I'm cleaning up the aftermath of the kids friend's spending the weekend in the living room, and I find a folded up copy of the City of Ukiah's Arts and Entertainment Fall issue under a side table. This little magazine lists city classes you can take and stuff happening in town through January. I'm thinking, "hey, maybe I could take a class or something"...I'm flipping through the thing, wondering, what ever happened to that photo contest. I turn the page and start reading the top...."Congratulations, our photo contest winner"..... "Oh cool....I hope it's good".

I look down the page and it's a picture of two hot rods, really nice shot, good clarity, hey wait a minute!!!! THAT'S MY PICTURE!!!!! Sure enough, it was mine and they touted my name at the bottom.

Nobody emailed me, nobody called me, nuthin'....I actually didn't think I won! But here it was in black and white. And it wasn't even my best picture! I didn't get anything, just in case you're wondering. The one thing I did get, was free publicity and my pictures in print. This little local rag mag goes out to every household in Ukiah, Calpella, Hopland, Redwood Valley, Talmage and Potter Valley. And it's published on the town's website. So hummmm, maybe I'll start getting some photo jobs....who knows. There's my 15 minutes of fame! Oh just in case you might wanna see some other work, check out the links on the right.

I just finished off 6 rolls of film at the fabulous 50's car show over the weekend. I think I have some very nice shots. I will be dedicating a web page to nuthin' but cars. I do like the hot rods, and it's a lot of fun going to these events here in town. I get to see all the "have's" showing off their "toys" to the "have nots".....and I always seem to run into old bosses or old co-workers from previous jobs. Most were not a pleasant experience that'll I'll have to explain in another blog. Small town living can suck. Don't get me wrong, I like it here among the redwoods and vines. But there's something in the water that makes these folks nuts.

Actually at this particular car show I ran into a very politically dominant business woman whom I used to work for. She was on a date, cooing at some gray haired gentleman I'm sure she met on the internet. As this was her MO when i worked for her, taking days off to go on her dates. I remember a motorcycle date she had that got her panties in a bunch. She's an older lady with kids older then me....I'm 36. I have a great amount of respect for her, but her daughters are the epitome of "the have's" in this town. She's a no bull shit kinda woman. And she ran her printing business that way. She has since retired from the company she created over 30 years ago to let her daughter run the business now. She has an amazing face and a crass personality. Her flaming red hair a sharp contrast to her pale complexion and her thick glasses. You just can't miss her in a crowd. I avoided her like the plague, but I know she saw me with my camera up to my face on numerous times that evening. I could feel her steel blue eyes watching me at times, rolling her eyes and pussing her lips. I dodged in and out of the roaming townites everytime she got to close to mutter any words to me. I emerged from the event unscathed and with many killer pictures.

When I found my picture in the magazine above, I relished in the knowledge that her company, the flaming red head's company, prints that magazine for the city every year. She has friends on the committee and they used to show up at the shop, meeting with her on the layout of the magazine's upcoming publication. And I remember when I worked for her, that she tried to stifle my photographs and my spirit, knowing full well my passion for this art form. I know she saw my name at the bottom of that picture while she berated her employees into making that mag perfect, a perfect printing of that page; My page! So as not to disappoint the power's that be at City Hall. Oh the irony!!!!

So HA!!!! Nice job, babe and thanks!!!!

Juliet Grace

First Blogging

Well hi there folks. I was turned on to this blogging thing by my bestest friend, the Tigress herself. I thought it would be cool to have an online journal. I've been many places and seen many things. I often wonder what kind of feedback would I get if I put my thoughts online. I've put my photography and such on my website, (see side panel for a link), but I never thought of putting thoughts up for the world to see. My friends and family are always saying I should post some of my stories so others can laugh too. So what the heck! I guess I have a lot to say. Some of which may not make any sense to the world at large, my apologies up front. My opinions are just that, opinions. Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one! I welcome any feedback and don't be worried about hurting my feelings. I'm not one of these prissy girly girls. In fact, I'm a modern amazon warrior chick with no regrets and a whole lot of passion. I work, I have two kids, I'm divorced and I live life. I love this world we live in. Never a dull moment. My pictures are an outlet, a creative urge I can't seem to shake. I use a 20 year old Pentax with a zoom lens and sometimes a wide angle. I have vision and I want to share! So check back soon. I'll be posting stuff often.

Blessed Be All

Juliet Grace